Wednesday, August 20, 2014

I have a funny feeling that cats do not like me.

I feel like they're attempting to steal one of three things:

a) My Soul
b) My Treats
c) My Sleeping Arrangements

I don't believe that cats came up with this diabolical scheme themselves. I think they have help (Birds, squirrels, rabbits).

I always see the neighborhood cat talking very closely with a couple of birds and squirrels. 

The cat seems to communicate by placing his mouth around the bird and/or squirrel, thus obtaining the necessary information collected pertaining to my movements and whereabouts.

I've tried on numerous attempts to communicate with these birds, squirrels, and rabbits, but to date, I have had little to no success.

Mom and Dad get nervous when I chase after them. 

I've tried to explain that I just "want to talk", but Mom and Dad "ain't buyin it"....

With every diabolical organization and movement, there are a couple of cats that have joined in the resistance movement. I've made contact with one cat, Jasper, who seems to be pretty friendly with me.

It took a long time to reach out to Jasper. He owns my Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma tends to get a little fidgety whenever I get near Jasper, so I had to wait for the right moment to make contact.

Grandma and Grandpa were out of town this weekend, so I went over with an olive branch (and by olive branch, I mean I ate all of Jaspers food).

Jasper and I got along great, not like the other cat I met (Oreo).

I think, moving forward, Jasper is going to give me the intel I need to destroy the Russian Cat that's terrorizing my neighborhood.

Marsha, the Russian maniac cat, hides under cars and swipes at me whenever I get too close. She thinks she runs the neighborhood... and I've only got one thing to tell that cat -