I have a funny feeling that cats do not like me.
I feel like they're attempting to steal one of three things:
a) My Soul
b) My Treats
c) My Sleeping Arrangements
I don't believe that cats came up with this diabolical scheme themselves. I think they have help (Birds, squirrels, rabbits).
I always see the neighborhood cat talking very closely with a couple of birds and squirrels.
The cat seems to communicate by placing his mouth around the bird and/or squirrel, thus obtaining the necessary information collected pertaining to my movements and whereabouts.
I've tried on numerous attempts to communicate with these birds, squirrels, and rabbits, but to date, I have had little to no success.
Mom and Dad get nervous when I chase after them.
I've tried to explain that I just "want to talk", but Mom and Dad "ain't buyin it"....
With every diabolical organization and movement, there are a couple of cats that have joined in the resistance movement. I've made contact with one cat, Jasper, who seems to be pretty friendly with me.
It took a long time to reach out to Jasper. He owns my Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma tends to get a little fidgety whenever I get near Jasper, so I had to wait for the right moment to make contact.
Grandma and Grandpa were out of town this weekend, so I went over with an olive branch (and by olive branch, I mean I ate all of Jaspers food).
Jasper and I got along great, not like the other cat I met (Oreo).
I think, moving forward, Jasper is going to give me the intel I need to destroy the Russian Cat that's terrorizing my neighborhood.
Marsha, the Russian maniac cat, hides under cars and swipes at me whenever I get too close. She thinks she runs the neighborhood... and I've only got one thing to tell that cat -
THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET FUZZY UP IN HERE!!!